Courtesy of Bob Hope

Welcome to the House of Fun- try our puzzles, questions and heid burstin teasers! Please add yours!

Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby gray_marian » Mon Feb 09, 2015 12:30 am

ON TURNING 70
'I still chase women, but only downhill.'


ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'


ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'


ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.'


ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.'


ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards, or as it's called at my home, 'Passover.'


ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees.'


ON PRESIDENTS
'I have performed for 12 presidents but entertained only six.'

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'



ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'


ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'


ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom.'


ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'


ON GOING TO HEAVEN
'I've done benefits for ALL religions.
I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.'
gray_marian
Active Poster
Active Poster
 
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:13 am


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby LANDROVER ROGER » Mon Feb 09, 2015 11:28 am

He was a brilliant,witty man.Thank you for those!
LANDROVER ROGER
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 3121
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 10:39 am


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby tarmmaker » Mon Feb 09, 2015 6:12 pm

Bob Monkhouse wrote material for him. Another clever comedian.
Whatever gets you thru the night. J Lennon.
tarmmaker
Active Poster
Active Poster
 
Posts: 470
Joined: Wed Mar 21, 2012 7:18 am


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby LANDROVER ROGER » Mon Feb 09, 2015 8:25 pm

Tarmmaker.I saw Bob Monkhouse live at a club in Stoke-on-Trent many years ago.He was an extremely gifted man.He asked the audience to shout out topics at him and he would mould a joke around the topic.He did this for two hours! Superb!
LANDROVER ROGER
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 3121
Joined: Sat May 17, 2008 10:39 am


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby numberplease » Tue Feb 10, 2015 12:13 am

Memories of two great, funny men. But may I suggest that Jack Benny deserves to be there as well?
User avatar
numberplease
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 1660
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:49 am
Location: Boston, Lincs


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby gray_marian » Thu Feb 12, 2015 11:13 pm

For numberplease :D JackBenny......

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument
serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either

Modesty is my best quality.

.Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Gags die, humor doesn't

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces
gray_marian
Active Poster
Active Poster
 
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:13 am


Re: Courtesy of Bob Hope

Postby numberplease » Fri Feb 13, 2015 12:29 am

:lol:
User avatar
numberplease
Forum Addict
Forum Addict
 
Posts: 1660
Joined: Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:49 am
Location: Boston, Lincs



Return to House of fun

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests