The Haggis

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The Haggis

Postby Martin » Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:43 am

Please keep in mind that I didn't write this, it arrived in a mail, so don't all pack on me. Hope it raises a smile.....


Once a year there is a special "open season" in Scotland. Intrepid hunters don their hiking clothes, load their guns and head for the hills. Their quarry ? An elusive wee beastie called The Haggis.
This time of year, with Burn's Night being on the 25th the demand for these wee creatures is such that special permits are issued to all those with contacts in the right places, but poaching does take place.
The Haggis are intelligent wee creatures and tend to go into hiding around this time of year, so the Haggis Hunters take with them such helpers as ferrets who can sniff out a Haggis and burrow into Haggis holes in order to flush them out.
Once caught, unspeakable things are done to the Haggis and they are offered for sale with a fake plastic skin and very little dignity.
So, spare a thought for the tiny, timid Haggis as I will be doing so later, along with mashed potato, swede and carrots.
Ouch !
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Govangirl » Fri Jan 24, 2014 6:25 pm

Martin, you would not believe the amount of folk I know who actually believe that! :wink:
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Big Bob » Fri Jan 24, 2014 11:51 pm

There are 2 types of haggis : the horizontal and the vertical. The horizontal has two short left legs and 2 long right legs. This means that it circles hills in an anticlockwise direction and is easy to trap because it stays on the one level. Occasionally you will see one coming the other way. This is due to a rare genetic mutation causing the left legs to be long and the right ones short. The vertical haggis has two short front legs and two long back legs. They can run straight up hills very quickly but can only back down slowly when they are easily caught.
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Martin » Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:41 am

Big Bob, that was a nice smile to wake up to.
There is a very rare Haggis, he has only been glimpsed very briefly and there are no photographs of this very timid creature. He is, of course, the Oozlum Haggis.
GG, I would believe that having met some folk who believe it, not to mention the Indian guy I once knew who truly believed a Scotch Egg was so called because it contained whisky. I kid you not.
Ouch !
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Martin » Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:33 pm

Wasn't there once a family of Haggis in a comic ? I think the family name was McHaggis or something like that.
Ouch !
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Bitter End » Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:11 pm

Possibly Linda Strachan's series o books ?

In the Highlands of Scotland there’s a secret glen
Hidden away from the eyes of men
It’s a cosy place called Coori Doon
That can only be found by the light of the moon
But if you’re very quiet and don’t start to blether
You might find 'Hamish McHaggis' asleep in the heather
Twice through the eye o' the sun to lift it.
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Re: The Haggis

Postby Martin » Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:33 pm

I think I've just found what I was thinking of. Not 100% certain as it's a dim and distant memory.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_fU62jYYMnHo/SmrjQIJIyFI/AAAAAAAAD5o/VXcqNCys5-A/s1600-h/petergray+092.jpg
Ouch !
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Re: The Haggis

Postby lighterman » Fri Feb 06, 2015 3:56 pm

You can get some people to believe anything, especially kids. SWMBO believed in treacle mines for years after her Dad told her about them.
I told my Grandkids that bees make honey and wasps make Marmite! Did I ever get a b+ll+cking for that!
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