Some Tommy Cooper gags

[glassblower]

Two blondes walk into a building --- you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.


Phone answering machine message: 'If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key.'


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day --- but I couldn't find any.


My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli --- a strong currant pulled him in.


I went to a Seafood Disco last week, and pulled a muscle.


Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


Man goes to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on that.'


'Doc, I can't stop singing: 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'
Doc says, 'That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome. '
'Is it common, doc?'
'Well, it's not unusual.'

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world is Chinese. There are 5 people in my family so one of them must be Chinese. It's either my mum or my Dad --- or my older brother Colin --- or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu --- but I think it's Colin.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A man walked into the doctor's, he said, 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said, 'Well don't go there any more'

Ireland 's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 2826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

.

[Isa]

Best comedian ever.

[Crowth]

ROFL!