Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 37, who was looking for some hot action! So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep the lazy woman busy.
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 5 hours to hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak
Came home today to find all my doors and windows smashed in and everything gone. What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar...
A lad comes home from school and excitedly tells his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years. The dad says, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."