Duke of Ralston

[Mr E Mann]

May I say that I agree wholeheartedly with the valid points "The Duke" has raised, along with the various replies.

However, I feel "The Duke" must be taken to task over this ridiclous title he has bestowed upon himself. I mean tae say, how can you call yersel' "Duke o' Ralston" when you have probably lived there little more than a decade, if that? The fact is that, you wernae around when the now extensively stocked (not to mention "Everything under one roof") shop was called MacRoberts. The only encouter you may have had with this emporium would have been when you went during your lunchbreak fae the Grammar tae buy a packet of Ringos or Outer Spacers or whatever wheat based snack you enjoyed at the time. I believe that your formative years were spent actively serving in The 3rd Battalion of The Stewarton Bazookas, whose only mode of transport was Jock (Scobie) Mason's barra'. We all know that the Ralston Scheme was well out of range for this vehicle.

It's possibly the case that you may have acquired this title on e-bay - kinda like the thing a gullible American might buy, where you receive a bit of parchment telling you that you are now the owner of Sheep Island or the like, along with some ridiculous and imaginary title that goes along with it, such as the Marquis of Kilkerran. I wouldnae be surprised if you made a bid for thon "Scotch Mist" that Hamish fae the shop in Longrow South sold earlier this year.

Ah'm no' getting intae all this "3rd Generation, born and bred" nonsense, but the fact of the matter is that you, Sir, are nothing but a fraudster.

I await your response and no doubt some form of justification in due course.