The Kintyre Forum

Ach you just wouldn't know what to believe. There telling me that the skipper was getting rather excited, he supposedly shouted to the men on the bow to gegg it and they responded by pinning the meenister to the rails forward, forcefully trying to gag him. Then he supposedly shouted: 'Not that kind of gegg, the rope!' Next salute they allegedly had the poor soul tied to the forward stay of the mast.

'Not that kind of gegg you stupid bu**ers, a hecklam gegg, oh give me it here.' said the mariner.

It sounds like the skipper as well as the minister was needing the sweet tea or something stronger.

"Sweet tea or somethin stronger" ? wis the Bochan nae mutterin aboot the Cabinet Minister wan Politician ? --- wis a damn sicht stronger!

Soo more knots than 50 shades of grey in the Dale, (whips n Jingles would be in her element,.......if it wisny on water an witches no jeest too pleased wi that stuff)
But no wonder there was mayhem, a meenister on a boat is damnt bad luck!
so bad that the the Mexican Dave was nearly on the reef, wi a knot his granny made, however after much ado he got her 1/2 hitched wi a sheepshank redemption, I think the story will be turned into a film if you like that kind of escapism
as for seals, I think they can be prosecuted for poaching if they come near a lairds river nowadays, it's seen as a breach of his human rights, however seals are supposed to be protected but I have yet to see one wearing a flack jacket or helmet.

There may be some good news regarding the meenisters visit tae lovely Carradale. On his return tae Embra he reported tae Wee Eck aboot the harbour area bein used as a film set. Wae burnt oot buildings, landing craft and entrenched hostiles, perfect for the remake of Saving Private Ryan. Some are already rehearsing, recounting meetin three worthy locals at the pier who looked like kin. When asked what film they were in it was obvious by their grunting and their attire it was The Walking Dead 2. Not once did they come out of character, true professionals! May I add looking at the Courier mincing around on deck, we have the cast of H.M. S. Pinafore. I think I know who would play a wonderful Dick Deadeye! So anyone with a wee boat and an arty disposition to servicing cast and crew could make a fortune, grants are bound to be available. Other good news I'm hearing is that one of Trumpton's emergency services finest is in for a knighthood, the lads and lassies must be so proud!

Oot yer bunk, there's half a Sanda!

In days gone bye the village had it's own minister, I can't remember one having to come all the way from Edinburgh, but I suppose times change.

I hear the quay is also being considered for a rerun of Steptoe's yard, but that's just the start of it. At least one of the local hotels is allegedly being viewed for a re-run of Fawlty Towers and the other for Little Britain, not sure which is which.

Morenish has applied for a job as a tractor driving extra on Emmerdale, Snoddy is rounding up a selection of Odd Fellows for a Scottish version of Embarassing Bodies and Right Pongal is standing in for Aggie MacKenzie in how clean is your house, but in his case, 'How Pongal is your Wee Caboodle?' Toy Town goes on unabated, with Jeremy Kyle calling for a lock-in and Toffee Nose from Devon having a go at Hyacinth Bouquet from Keeping Up Appearances.

Now if there's grants available, there will be few interested all of a sudden!

now Mz Jingles I refute your claim of me applying for anything to do with soap, however I confess I did years ago drive a Davy Broon within sight of Emerdale farm.

Is there only the wan meenister for the whole of Scotland nowadays?
man things have changed the country used to fare infested wi them, could he no send a deputy, like the wan wee Ecks got?
or better still jeest use our own home grown bochan, he would be fine clumpin aboot the deck wi his wan cloven hoof laying forth to all and sundry aboot the benefits of tourism to the Dale and how he is so grateful to the local business folk for bringin even more incomers, but och maybe he was otherwise engaged, out on the Mexican Dave yahoin an applauding and givin full support to the harbour committee.
I'm pretty sure Grants no available at all, as he is very busy in Aberdeenshire these days and hasn't been seen in the Dale for a while.
I am also reliably informed there will be no remake of saving Ryans privates or otherwise, but there is to be a remake of Steptoe and son, with the Dell boy character as a new addition.
The horse and cart have been replaced by a white van and the Reliant Robin by a silver Renault

I think if we are remaking any film it should be the Wicker Man, we would have no shortage of folk wanting to sing and dance and a nice big fire to heat their old bones. Only problem i can see is a virgin sacrifice that comes of his own free will x jeeeso I've not seen one of them for many a year,
we could get the fire going up on the golf course overlooking the sound. It would be rare day and we could get a wee collection going for cosmetic surgery for the Bochan and the tidying up of his cloven foot, I've heard it a wild shocking sight and once seen never forgotten...

Cosmetic surgery ? ? AMPUTATION widna tidy yon cloven hoof ! Its lik a salamanders tail -- jist constant regeneration --- The Bochan canna git rid o the hoof an because o his ilk , the hoof canna be rid o him ! Ah'm sure whin Ah wis wee ther wis a whisper in the village aboot the Bochan an a midwife ( or maybe it wis Dr Snoddy hisell) , an an axe wi the iron heid awe meltit awa, efter tryin tae cleave - - - - Ach jist whispers richt enough Ah'm thinkin , fur wan canna be castin nasturshams nooa deys, better jist stick tae the twa purl an wan plain .

Something was eventually going to happen in the village that'd make me slither oot o ghost rock and step into the breach you auld flas call 'The thread'. The incident occurred at the wkend there. When a jumped up little angry pathetic land owning southerner yelped and bawled at a small band of young bochans enjoying the unseasonably fine weather doon the bay to "GET OFF HIS LAND!!!!" there was only going to be one result. The lord of the manor was sent home to think again. Oh the rage on him was hilarious when he was told "No, we aren't going anywhere". " YOU LOCALS!!! its TAKE TAKE TAKE!!!!!".... I own all this....I've bought and paid for it...GET OFFF GET OFFF MY LAND!!!!!"....Finally the lord of the manor left with the threat of the polis ala trumps boys in balmeddie, getting called if we weren't gone in half an hour!!! I can report 4 young bochans did in fact pish thersels at the sight of this pathetic little man marching up and doon the beach proclaiming lordship over all and sundry. The days of young bochans being chased off the estate for taking a fish oot the burn where in the past. We recalled Nancy Reagan and said just say No, so as the light faded and the moonshine flowed again, the lord of manor was back once more having drove the length of HIS/OUR beach in his princess peaches 4 Wheel vehicle. This young bochan was in fact not allowed within bellowing distance of the lord of the manor as the switch had been flipped, with rage not reason going to be the order of the day if anymore contact had occurred. More sensible wans dealt calmly with the incandescent lord of the manor on his return. With the tables turned on him after we phoned the polis on him he couldn't do a thing but wheel spin his way back to the big hoose to lick his wounds. BTW the polis said they couldn't throw us off the beach and neither could he. No doubt the lord of the manor will be putting up signs of some sort to try to prevent anymore enjoyment occurring again. The lord was told straight off we were all locals as of course he's been sitting in his dilapidated ivory tower and hardly ever met any for the last decade or so. I can't think I've ever clapped eyes on the loser before. I've not be missing out on anything positive obviously. When told we were locals he said " I don't f***ing care where your from, GET OFF MY LAND!!!!" Not maybe even thinking I'm going to need to deal with these scummers again and modify my tactics. Who the Hell is this man anyway??? Just some ex banker that sold a wee hoose in the south east and is playing at monarch of the glen up here...Zero class on display anyway. Aye if the toonies can get the base for a pound can we not get the estate someway although drawing the line obviously at a straight up land grab Zimbabwean style? Rumour has it the lord of the manor tried to deputise the firemaster at the 11th hour to give him the power to remove the pesky young bochans from HIS beach. For his part the firemaster declined the offer to become public enemy No. 2. Talk of marching on the big hoose with fire and pitchforks subsided as the moonshine flowed and the sun came up again. No more of the lord was seen or his promised polis. Aye he was given a good dusting and sent packing but something tells me this will not be the last run in with this jumped up little land owner.....

Well it really is a low water mark in the village when a small band of young(ish) bochans can't play music and dance roond and roond a fire doon the big bay without the threat of the polis ejecting them. No trespass law in Scotland!! Oh the Lord of the manor was in a hellova rage. Even more so when he was told by the young bochans that "we were here first" and no amount of yelping or threats were going to move us. Oh how undignified a sight he was. With no henchman in his employ and the polis not interested rumour has it, he tried to draft in the firemaster as an enforcer. Thankfully the firemaster was as keen to do his bidding as the bochans were on leaving. There was a defiant even militant mood within the young bochans that night. Talk of marching on the big hoose were abound but as the moonshine flowed and the stars went roond the talk of revolution subsided. Can any of you auld hands mind a similar run in with the so called gentry of the village?

I walk my dogs on Carradale beach most days and I saw your “party” in progress on Saturday. Your quad bike screaming up and down the beach, vans unloading pallets, generator and sound system in place. My heart sank!! Last time you had a similar “party” of dancing and music you kept the majority of the village awake as the music continued until the early hours of the following morning. There may not be a law of trespass here in Scotland but there is Anti Social Behaviour Drinking In A Public Place and common decency. When I walked the beach the following day there where people still drinking from the previous night and when I spoke to other people walking along the beach they said they had turned back as they felt threatened by the group of drunken yobs. I do not know the land owner to talk to but I applaud him in his efforts to remove you from the beach.

Well what a grown-up well-adjusted member of society you come across as, 'Young Hell'.

Maybe I'll come into your garden and build a fire on your lawn and throw a party for my mates? That'll be OK, yes?

There may not be a trespass law in Scotland (it's actually a tort) but there is the Land Reform (Scotland) Act 2003 which lays down clear guidelines as to what you may or may not do on someone else's property.

I've known the person you're referring to for quite a few years and you're bang out of order. You haven't even got your facts right. (Ex-banker my arse!)

Maybe when you've worked as hard and done as much for the people of Carradale you might reflect on this and realise what a knob you are. Instead you choose to hide behind a pseudonym made up just for the purpose of making this little rant because someone stood up to you and your anti-social behaviour.

As it happens there IS a law of trespass in Scotland, it's just different from the law of trespass in England. There, you have to assume you don't have the landowner's permission to be on his land unless there's a sign telling you that you do. Here in Scotland, you're entitled to assume you do have permission to be on the land unless there's a sign saying you don't. So there. By the way, and just out of interest, that's why there were national parks in England decades before we had them in Scotland. They were established under the National Parks and Access to the Countryside Act, 1947. Nowadays, of course, all that is modified by the more recent Right to Roam legislation, but that just gives you the right to roam, not to organise a rave and create a wild racket on somebody else's land.

This thread just got lively again!

One hell of a row, but nowhere near the landowner's front garden, but by jove, 'Old Hell' would have been proud of you! At least you weren't pulling tent pegs or rattling the Big Hoose windows with gravel!

Young Hell hasn't realised yet how hard the man in the big hoose has worked, or the amazing things he has done for the village, so if anyone else knows, maybe they could share the information with all and sundry. Was this not the man who tried to block the establishment of the fish farm with his falsehoods regarding the revenue generated by 'His River'? I'm afraid he'll get damn all sympathy from me.

As for Beachcomber, he's just acting the goat as usual and doesn't seem to have got the hang of Cockney Rhyming Slang

Personally, I slept like a baby on Saturday night and heard nothing of the party, even whilst flying the bat at Wall's corner.