Carradale

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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Thu Jun 13, 2013 10:36 pm

Ach Morenish, never mind the flamingos, if I remember right it cost me a damn site more to surprise you with the Monkey's Shoulder and with the birds twittering to the dawn chorus, you shambled your way home, complimenting the 'Lovely Pink Elephants!'
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Wed Jun 26, 2013 8:07 pm

Well Morenish, if herself has forgiven you yet and your back into the Marital Bed, here's another fine chance to have a go at the Monkey's Shooder, it will be especially hidden under the bar for you. They are telling me that this will be the biggest thing since Spanners organised the Big Dick and the Four Skinners gig back in the 70s, damn nearly as renowned as the night The Scouder threw the drum sticks into the crowd.

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Mexican Dave Presents:
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Mind you, if you're not that keen on the old Bebop a Loo Lah, you could always head for the town for the sore knee version at:
http://www.ceolcampbeltown.com/

If nothing else, they are bound to have a fine selection of Monkey juice behind the bar next door!
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Re: Carradale

Postby Snoddy » Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:11 am

Morenish, what have I told you about over stretching aged limbs. Ask Mr Morenish to rub your shoulder down with the rolling pin, dusted down with a mixture of oil of clove and chilli powder. It won't actually help the affliction, but it should deflect from the terrible pain of the dreaded Monkey Shoulder, which can traverse all the way to the brain.

If all else fails, you know where I am, and I still have a plentiful supply of that wonderful cure-all, Paracetamol!

P.S. I meant to add that you may need to ask the nearest fireman to hose you down after the rolling pin therapy :<>
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Any resemblance to Snoddy's past and present are purely coincidental!
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:17 pm

well,well thankyou Bochan and Snoddy for the kind thoughts on my health, but there's nothing wrong with me, absolutely nothing, in fact I'm perfect!
Bochan on the other hand is a bit indisposed so I hear, fell through a cattle grid and hurt his leg while verily intoxicated or so the story was related to me, I can well believe he slipped though, as cattle grids are designed to do that to the cloven footed, thereby keeping them on their rightful side of the fence.
did your bird brained Dr recommend parakeetamol for that Bochan?
.... or a visit to the AAs?
I'm sorry I missed all the wonderful music last weekend, but a crofter has to take advantage of good weather to look after stock and thats just what Mrs Mornish and I were doing, keeping an eye on the calves.
herself had no need to forgive anything when I explained that my lateness was because I was out doing my neighbourhood watch, and a certain one in particular,anyway I enjoyed my 10 days on Mull, where monkeys shooder is band under H&E,EU and even Russian federation rules.
Mull is a nice quiet place for contemplation and I never saw a pink Flamingo all the time I was there.

Snoddy, Mrs Mornish did come up behind me with the rolling pin suitably adorned with your remedy but I was far too quick for her,and with a clap of thunder I was gone!
and you were right when you told me my cheek muscles would eventually relax.
if i'm spared
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:43 pm

Allow you Morenish to get the wrong end of the stick. Cattle grid's are no match for fully charged Bochans, well the male ones anyway. I knew that you had to be perpendicular during the approach and fast enough to cross, but not so fast that you went over the handlebars. I meant to impart the knowledge that you have to hang on for grim death and for goodness sake not to touch the brakes, but would it have made any difference ........ ?

Part of the problem is that the carrots in the lazy bed failed last year and we never managed to pull a few dozes of vitamin K packed roots from that other sandy garden along the road, but this year will be different. I told her we would have been better to wait until the screchs of dawn, as it can be dark as a dog's throat just passed the old piggery.

I suppose Mrs Bochan will just need to grid and bear it now right enough. Not even the AA could have hauled her out of thon predicament between the irons and to make matters worse, that daft old beggar Pongal phoned for Chisholms of Ballachulish, so the only free eggs he'll be seeing in the future will be well fermented ones, carefully aimed between his eyes. I saw the whites of her eyes myself when I suggested that if she had gone the whole hog and taken a Morenish style sleever, she would have thrown caution to the wind and flew across the grid without a second thought. She's blaming the bats from the Ghost Rock, getting in amongst her hair, or maybe one of those hellish bad looking pirates who seemed to have taken over the Quay, trying to poke his cutlass between her spokes, but I doubt they would know how to get there in the dark.

Anyway, if we decide to go BBQing down the Bay again in the near future, I'll hire her an all terrain buggy from the team at the hump and maybe fit an old paraffin lamp to guide her on her way. No lamp required for me mind, as any of the herring men will testify, five minutes in the dark and you can see five fathoms into the pitch dark. On second thoughts, we could fire up the Mexican Dave and steam round like a clipper in full sail, with the burning in her wake showing us the path back to righteousness!

Never the likes of the music right enough, a damn spite you couldn't make it, but if you have work to do, you need to get on with it. Makes a change said Mrs Bochan...... She can have a wild acid tongue when she's bed-ridden! Doesn't help when Snoddy keeps pulling a saw from his satchel!
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:08 am

ach it's a wild place Trumpton for rumours if somebody so much as sneezes at the quay, he's in an oxygen tent by the time the story reaches Airds!
I must confess I was skeptical when I heard you'd got stuck in a grid as you usually use your human side for stepping out over them, but then you might have made a mistake in your full charge, but no it was your good lady who took the painful route, however I dont believe for a minute that she went over any handlebars and got hurt, for that would suggest she went forwards? she is well protected by modern airbag design, so unless you had a hand in it??
But then she said it was a bat in her hair??
her eyesight canny be that good in the dark right enough, if she mistook you for the caped crusader!
of course you being male it will be your fault anyway.

I would be very careful,the croft is well protected by neighbours these days using silenced weapons as well as noisy ones.
Anyway you are far more liable to be caught out in this village at the screchs of dawn or for an hour or 3 before that, than say 3 of the clock in the afternoon, as you well know it's best to leave the roads to the superior folk through the day and let the honest natives out at night, being mindful of cattle grids of course.

I heard there were English pirates at the quay right enough and wan in parteecular was said to be gie bad, but och in these politically correct times it was probably just his upbringing, he just needs guidance an I'm sure he'll get plenty of that yet!
however there is good in everybody and the pirates fairly helped the business's in the area, maybe that was not their intention but it was appreciated none the less!

I can recommend the buggys at the hump for the elderly, or even near elderly for getting about where their no aquaint, would a whit stick be of any help?
I know a certain lady who when asked to write a piece for "Disability Buggy Monthly" and "TopBuggy" magazine took the oppertunity to test one for herself and like Jeremy of Clarkson or maybe Vicky Butler-Henderson, drove it at full tilt up the Ardcarach brae, a photo opportunity which was used then in the advertising of her own eatery on the edge.
Pure Class!
maybe the Mexican Dave is the answer, however I think it says a lot about you that your looking back at her wake and the path to righteusness.

aye it's a shame we were so busy that weekend, it being the weekend that the hall puts on it's summer event, but duty called and as every crofter knows time and livestock wait for nobody, unless you have a good fence and a grid to keep them in their place, maybe we'll get there next year if were spared.
I heard about Mrs Bochans awful acid tongue right enough and that its forked so you can receive it in stereo, as for Snoddys saw it's as blunt as himself and as useful as his staple cure!
if i'm spared
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Wed Jul 24, 2013 7:25 am

I was woken from my slumbers last night by a car alarm at 12:50am, and being part of the neighbourhood (10 to one) watch slipped out of bed like a springing cat, spied a Bochan stumping about the carpark scowling at the flashing lights, he tried to get past them a couple of times twirling the spectacles in frustration in his left hand, but his nerve wouldn't allow him too close, then with his bald pate shinning in the moonlight he limped off in the other direction, his leg still sore from the incident with the grid, leaving it swollen so that he was unable to hide the cloven one inside a shoe.
I have no idea what he was up to but thought I better report it anyway
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Re: Carradale

Postby Ticketty Boo! » Thu Jul 25, 2013 8:40 am

Had a great time last night at the Hot Seats bash in the village hall. Highlight of the evening was the dancing lessons being given to one and all by the local newspaper delivery baron of that ilk.

Thoroughly enjoyed or fair fortnight so far but fear there may be no visit next year as tis silver wedding and herself will no be in very fine trim unless she gets whisked off to Efrica or somewhere else exotic.

Wee TickettyIna junior has had a rerr time counting the For Sale signs in the village. It's actually easier to count the number of houses that dinnae have a sign outside these days?

The tropical heatwave has brought the pink flamingos out to play. Must admit to having seen a few pink elephants in my time - tis a family tradition. :oops: :oops: :oops: :mrgreen:
Ye'll huv hud yer tea?
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Fri Jul 26, 2013 11:32 am

Ach Morenish, I realised you couldn't be seen out in the street in your big pink Onsie pyjamas and zip-up slippers, so I did the neighbourly thing and went out to identify the offending alarm. There was much worse to come, I didn't realise that you would need a radar and sonar to navigate past all the treeslach scattered randomly around the public highway in Albert Square. Worse than Steptoe's yard it was and on a par with the one at the quay! Old tractors, trailers, bikes, fencing, Dr Who's tardis with more doors than Bin Laden's last refuge (Must be part of the set for the Piper's latest escapade!) and the odious smell of mothballs eminating from your open bedroom window. Well at least I think it was moth's!

Just to reiterate, my legs are damn fine and in perfect working order, nothing worn under my kilt as they would say :shock: .

However, I do understand we are all getting a bit older and our general fitness is on the wane, but I am not fortunate enough to have a motability helicopter on call to drop me on hill tops for photo shoots at a moments notice.

I have to say that I was absolutely delighted that the marketing of the harbour is benefiting one business in particular, the only down side being the ascent of the brae prior to getting the 'Heavy Stuff', but on the upside, there is the view during the descent. Right now, some of us have work to do.......
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Re: Carradale

Postby morenish » Mon Jul 29, 2013 11:17 am

now Bochan there is NO moths in my bedroom, in fact it's well known no go area for moths, as Mrs Mornish has been known to eat them in her sleep.
As for navigating past the treeslach as you call it, the local residents are not having any bother, maybe you should have put the glasses back on your nose instead of twirling them in irritation, in your left hand, it would save all the expense of that electrical jiggery pokery that fishing vessel wheelhouses are full of nowadays, gone are the days when it just needed a wee nook for the Tabaco and the pipe or maybe a packet of players.
I'm glad to hear that your legs are on the mend, will you stop carrying crutches in the dark blue shadow now or are you using them for protection from the servants of Royal Mail?
Ach the helicopter is a fine mode of transport, lent to me that day by the tea boy at the accountants from Oban, it was a great way to see the glen in all it's glory.

I'm sorry the brae has kept you away from fine dining, but if your legs improving as you say, surely you'll manage up that wee snap, of course it's nothing to those making a living in the hills.
I'm sure if you asked nicely somebody would procure some of the heavy stuff for you, have you tried asking those younger, fitter and better looking?
Even the pipers father visits on his own 2 legs, a wee bit worried about the piper himself though, he rushed in for a pint in the Cruban the other night, without even changing out of his working clothes!
it's bad sign!
if i'm spared
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bitter End » Tue Aug 13, 2013 8:31 am

Is that the 'new' Arran Ferry oan its moorin in the harbour Ah wis seein yesterdey? Quite a magnficent sight wi her Board o Tred high veesability yella hoarse shoe life preservers mountit up in the air. Is this tae mak them act as radar reflectors an thus save money wi them bein dual purpose ? Ah wis also wunnerin if the fair breezes waftin by them whin steammin up or doon the Sound wid maybe be cuttin a couple o knotts aff her cruisin speed ? or at best jist add a few pennies tae her ile bill ? --Ach its jist a smaall smaal expense fur gein her a true balanced look. But whers the ticket oaffice ---the Chuggers an them et the Hump coodna gie me any information --- an thon Bochan ( who kens aw aboot it ) has been lyin thet low, since his wee thrilla in Manila , he cood be sclimmin aboot alow an adders belly wearin a top hat an no rufflin the hat or the belly !
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bitter End » Fri Aug 30, 2013 5:54 pm

Ah'm wrang ---- its nae a ferry --- its a yaat ! :oops:
wi a feenish lik wan o Mr James Silver's nae less !
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bochan Mor » Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:27 am

Aye Bitter End, Long John Silver's maybe, as she lacks the plush cushions of the Roseneath Silvers!

Talking of hellish bad pirates and yachties, did you see a Scottish cabinet minister was asked to come deal with some balloons full of hot air? Mr Russell must have wondered what the hair oil was going on, with Wilson of Castaway fame, staring out at him from every orb. Maybe this was due to the fact that in a strong Easterly, the yachties could be unlucky enough at best, to find themselves sitting on the sewage pipe at the bottom of the Spoot Wood. Apparently they were going to tie up on one of the buoys, but the man at the helm was the only one that knew a bitter end from a bowline. By the shape of the rest of them, they may have managed a South African Snowball Hitch, but only after a committee meeting and a show of hands!

I did see some traces of paint in my bilges right enough and suspect that Morenish and Sanyanya had purloined the 'Mexican Dave' under the cover of daylight and headed out before the milking with hairy brushes in hand.

However, praise where praise is due, all of this was made possible by the generous donation of hardware and time from Meridian Salmon and their dedicated workforce. Hopefully the press releases will be highlighting this without too much massaging of certain other egos loosely associated with the project.

Mind you I dare say the CHUGGERS dipped their hand's in their pockets and took the traumatised soul up the brae to the Green Room for a hot cup of sweet tea and a doze of the Heavy Stuff to bring him safely back down to earth!
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Re: Carradale

Postby LANDROVER ROGER » Sat Aug 31, 2013 10:32 am

Migrating Flamingos?
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Re: Carradale

Postby Bitter End » Sat Aug 31, 2013 1:09 pm

Aye Bochan ---traces o paint in the bilges ? Ah'm surprised it wisna lathered wi scales wi the fush that hae bin hingin aboot the mooth o the burn the past month --- hoo -iver ther is a bluidy great seal ther feedin weel an gittin fatter by the dey which wid be better aff as a pie or simmilar rether than as rid fella quality tester an toorist attraction ! Its badly needin a third eye! Tis a bad bad dey whin ye canna git a fush oota the Hole cause a phoque his had the whole o the fush !

Noo as fur -- " loosely associated with " jist maks me think o Snoddy an -- bowels an the dreaded yella scoors an such --- Ochone ochone
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