The Kintyre Forum

Ok, so someone you've never met but have interacted with on forums etc and spoken to on the 'phone for fourteen years suddenly goes.
What a bloody great hole they leave behind them.
Even if you think arrangements have been made for next of kin to contact you, when they've gone you are only just another name on a computer screen, no matter how close you have been.
Then you start to wonder how you could ever allow yourself to get attached to someone you've never met, in just a kindred spirit sort of way, no romanticism or anything like that.
You still go to the forums and look for their name, still expect them to turn up and say it was just a bad joke. But then look at places where messages have been left about the deceased and the awful reality sets in but it doesn't make it any better.
Then you start to wonder again....how the hell did a simple post on an old message board lead to such a friendship ? Why did I fall for the friendship thing ?
Then when eyes have been wiped, noses been blown and wiped, there's still an almighty great hole that will never be filled where that someone used to be.

That really made me think Martin, it really did - was very well-put too. I am very sorry for your loss and I am sure there are a lot of folk on here who can understand where you're at. I know it's an old cliche but that person obviously enriched your life so take some comfort from that. It also made me think about how we're continually told that internet friends are not 'real' friends (I tell the kids that) and you have just gone and blown that out the water.

I completely understand what you mean and you have put it across well

I am sorry for your loss and we are all here if you ever need someone to talk to.

Take care

Martin.P.M.me when you feel up to it.

Martin, Sorry to read of your loss, you had fourteen good years of friendship. Just because it was internet based does not lessen its value. This happened to me two months ago. Like you I was stunned and it took me a while to get my head around it. Now if I come across an old post of their's it throws me slightly until I remember they have gone. Yes it makes me sad but I am so glad that I 'knew' this person. Some of the other forum user's discussed this, the site moderator even grouped a selection of their old posts for us to read and to be sent to the family, which we were told brought great comfort. Gone but not forgotten. I wish you well Martin. Take Care, Marian.

Roger, PM sent.
Thanks to all.
Marian, the site I have run for all these years has been left as is, a private memorial place for those of us that knew him. His final posts are on there along with some very lovely tributes to him.
I made that post to highlight the new dimension that friendships have moved into and the importance of leaving clear instructions should anything happen and we should nod off for the final time.
I think it's especially important for those of us older people who haven't grown up with the internet always being there to realise all this.
Internet friends can get under your skin, there are good and bad out there just as there is in "in the flesh" world. I have been very lucky to have come into contact with some wonderful people that I would never have met outside of the net. In fact, I met the best friend I've ever had on a political internet forum.
When I first got on line I realised very quickly that folk aren't always what they seem and so I made a wee promise to myself, that promise was and is to be as open and honest as possible on line, not to make a fake persona and if that means I get ridiculed or folk hate me, then so be it, at least I know that I have been honest and truthful, that counts for a lot with me.
But....getting back to an internet friend dying....my friend was one of those exceptional people who come along, stay for a while, make one hell of an impression and then leave too soon.
The real shit is I spoke to him the day before he died and there was no indication anything was wrong. It was November before I found out he'd gone in August. I'd like to think he rolled a joint, had a smoke and went very peacefully. His turd of a brother hasn't notified anyone (we're all just a name on a screen) and had he not been accorded a military funeral with full honours, those of us who were touched by him would probably never know he's gone.
He was a wee bit older than me but always the eternal child with a wonderful outlook on life. The strange thing was, he had been stationed over here at RAF Bentwaters at the same time that I would sometimes have a drink with some lads from there. I would have many a chat with guys in the guardroom (he was a part of that), so we had probably met back then but never knew it.
We'd both had a somewhat colourful childhood and held the same sort of political views etc. He was also an accomplished musician and I am proud to own two CD's of his works.
I am struggling with him going and it seems to have really knocked the stuffing out of me.
Anyway, that's all I have to say.

Thank you for your response Martin, agree with all that you have said.

You have written a fine tribute to your friend here. I sincerely hope you find an inner peace soon. Marian